Thursday, February 21, 2008

I just wonder...

that the things you do everyday, that seem so normal/easy/simple/everyday chores, are hard for others? For some of us, the simplest things are a challenge. How many of you go to Wal-Mart or Kroger and never think anything more about doing it than the fact that you make a list before you go? I can't do that. Do you just decide you are going to spend the day with the windows open? I can't do that. Do you get in the car and go where you want, when you want all alone? I can't do that. These are just a few things that my OCD hinders. I cannot just spur of the moment decide to do something. Everything is planned out strategically, and if for some unknown reason plans change, well that blows my whole day. I have had something to return to Wal-Mart for almost a month now. I just got to return it tonight, why? Because Keith was with me and I could face going into Wal-Mart. It still was NOT a pleasant experience, and there was really NO ONE in there to "bother" us. There are just times that Wal-Mart freaks me out. I haven't been in Kroger in 2 weeks. Do we have groceries??? Absolutely, because my husband ROCKS and stops on his way home from work. Simple things like opening the front door when the doorbell rings, don't happen at my house. I have NO CLUE who is on the other side of that door, and what sets in when the bell rings is enough to send me OVER the edge. Phone ringing - same thing sends me into a panic. Sometimes a full blown panic attack. I joke about them, and I make light of them, but they really do hinder my daily life. Most people jump out of bed, and go about their day. I wake up and have to think ok #1 do.....#2 do......#3 do....and so it goes on all day. I have a certain order EVERYTHING must be done in. Tonight we were making spaghetti for dinner. I asked Keith to walk me through it so I felt more comfortable, and hopefully I can make it on my own next time. I pulled a chair up to the stove and watch and took notes. Because I will do it EXACTLY as he showed me when I finally do cook spaghetti for us. I DO NOT deviate from plans. If I am taught to do something a certain way, or I discover something in a certain way, I will FOREVER do them IN THAT SPECIFIC ORDER. Because I cannot deviate from "the plan" for something terrible and awful might happen. My mom had a certain way she folded towels when I was growing up (she still does this.) I was taught to fold towels that way, and at 31 years old I still do it. GOD BLESS the person who tries to fold my towels, they will get refolded. Keith doesn't even try anymore, god bless him. And that is ok, I would rather do it myself. I can think of a million more things just like this, but I won't bore you to death. But I just wonder, how many people take folding towels, going to Wal-Mart, answering the door, answer the phone, just do whatever they please all day long without having a certain way to do EVERYTHING that you must think about until you are so tired that you just want to lie down from THINKING about what order you must do things in? I just wonder....
Love & Blessings...


  1. You are lucky to have a great dh to help you.

  2. I have OCD too, but not to the level that you do. I get what you're saying about the towels, and ESPECIALLY about following the instructions that you are given. That one messes with me a lot,because then people get upset with you for following them (at work, I'm "Sara-Who-Follows-The-Rules") or I get mad with the people who don't, and nothing happens to them. It seems wrong to have rules and not enforce them, or enforce them sporadically. Luckily, my OCD seems to have set in later in life, and I had a LOT of therapy while in college and shortly after, so I know why I'm doing things and I can work on my behaviors. I still can't watch Monk though! ;)


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