Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Chaos - will it end???

Everything feels SO chaotic. I cannot seem to FINISH anything. Keith is sick, just a sinus infection, but I hate for him to feel bad. And yesterday the doctor told mom it was time for a total knee replacement. She will be in the hospital for 3 to 5 days and then he recommended going to a rehab facility. That makes me feel like the WORST daughter in the world, but I am afraid I won't be able to do everything for her. Not to mention I could have a panic attack in the middle of doing something for her....oh well something to ponder and carry the daughter guilt around some more.

Speaking of panic attacks, I had a BIG one Monday. It happened as I was leaving the doctor's office, I held out until I was OUTSIDE, but phew! It was a nasty one. I had to call Keith and have him talk me through it.

Now I am just here, just here. I took a nap, so I'm not tired, the TV is on and the dryer is running, but I am restless. This is where the CHAOS comes in - it just fees like it is all around and I have no where to go. This is when the OCD just SUCKS. When I feel like this.

So I guess I am off to finish laundry and try to relax a little - and maybe just maybe I'll find some peace and serenity tonight and not feel so chaotic.

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