Tuesday, July 7, 2009


As I have said before, the new show "Obsessed" on A&E drives me CRAZY! Mainly because I do not believe in the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and for more info on my thoughts on this - go back a couple of posts.

I will say that I would like to encourage anyone who knows me and does/doesn't "get" the O.C.D. to watch the show. The episode that just aired to night showed the girl with her boyfriend in the kitchen while he was cooking a meal. She was freaking out! Is this clean, did you wash it, did someone just use it and stick it back in the drawer. This is my life when Keith is cooking anything. The one thing I appreciated about this was that as she got frustrated with herself and apologized and began to cry - her boyfriend hugged her and said "I know, I know, it is ok." WOW - that is so very awesome. He admitted that it was frustrating to deal with her, and her O.C.D., but he was willing to encourage her. I will say that I have encountered A LOT of frustration in this journey. People don't understand why I cannot talk on the phone, or go into a store, or touch something, or eat at a picnic, etc. And they get frustrated, I hear it in their voices, I see it on their faces. My own husband, friends & family members have done this at times.

If someone had diabetes and was unable to go without eating, you would be TOTALLY understanding of them. If someone had asthma and needed to take their time walking into a place or doing an activity, you would be understanding. Name any disease or disorder that is physical in nature, that afflicts someone and people will BEND OVER BACKWARDS encouraging them, talking to them, supporting them, helping them - NEVER getting frustrated. But when it comes to a mental disorder - FORGET IT! People think JUST GET OVER IT and MOVE ON! Don't you think I would if I could? Do you think I choose this?

An issue is on my mind, and I think about it 200 times a day. So I share it, talk about it - and I meet resistance from the person I share it with. WOW that is frustrating. It hurts frankly. It makes me angry. So angry that I just never want to share anything with anyone. I just make my little list and have my therapy session once every two weeks. And to be honest, if I could afford it, I would go to therapy EVERY WEEK, it would be such a blessing. What a joy it would be to be able to talk with someone who doesn't get angry or frustrated with me for my O.C.D. and how it affects my thoughts and feelings.

I think I just get beaten down. When I share what is bothering me with certain people I get asked "well couldn't that be this or maybe it is just YOU." Well no kidding! I know that - I know it bothers me and is because of my O.C.D. usually, but because it is a feeling/emotion/thought; they think OH WELL get over it.

I just had a really rough day today, stomach issues, running a fever. And then my day was topped off with the "Why is this coming up?" question that frustrates me to no end. If I could deal with stuff and make it go away, I would. If I could talk about something once and then move on - I WOULD! But unfortunately my brain doesn't work this way. And getting no encouragement when the O.C.D. rears its ugly head, is hurtful. Sometimes when it is going on, you just need someone you trust and love to give you a hug. No I am not a "hugger" with strangers or people I don't know well. But a hug from someone you love and trust gives a lot of encouragement. Instead of asking "Why is this coming up AGAIN?"

I have said it before and I will continue to say it forever and ever, people with mental illnesses are locked in their own minds, it is a prison. And we need visitors too, just like those people down at the county jail.

It's 2:19am, and I am awake. I think I will get some juice and watch a movie so I can get ready to go to therapy in the morning - my safe place.

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